EMO Moment

Scratch Paper Entry
Written Date: 11.24.09
Topic: Eien Kataomoi Syndrome Strikes Back, ERIN on EMO-mode AGAIN

Should I Be Happy?

I have this philosophy about people I like (okay, LOVE... but it's so strong a word to describe something so vague,so unknown to me... told you I was feeling EMO) I'd always say that I'd be happy as long as long as they ae happy. But it's a melancholic kind of HAPPINESS. I was able to do it in the past albeit the bitter feeling. This time,I'm tired of smiling, looking happy in front of him,just pretending that I'm okay seeing him, it sucks... I'm not EMO... no... not always but I'm tired. Just that I'm tired of having to pretend I don't have feelings when I do... I'm tired of always having to be the one who has the thought process, the person who's always thinking about people's reaction when he could just walk around and act like we're the brother & sister tandem that we used to be, keyword "used to be", we're no longer that it stopped being that when I found out that I have a crush on him as well, it stopped being that when he started putting innuendos in our conversations, it stopped being that when he sent that 'supposedly' innocent text that includes my 4 most hated words now (I Miss You, Bunso...). It's wrong for me to misinterpret it, but he's been saying that after I arrived from Singapore and every chance he gets...

We don't speak that much now... It's a bad thing but it's something I need to do if i wish to get over him... I don't want to be over him truth be told, but... again, it's tiring... and I'm tired. I'm not able to smile normally anymore,not in front of him and I'm dreading seeing him. I don't want to look sad when I see him and I've already said this a couple of times, I'm tired. so best thing to do is to avoid the cause, which is is really not hard to do sine we have different schedules and we're not on the same work area. It's just that,Fate likes to play tricks on me, I'm not mad... but I can't always be cautious...

(A/N: EMO OVERLOAD!!!! ^.^)